When Your Offspring Have Blue Hair
by Libby Sarah
Summary: Wes and Illyria have kids. Wackiness ensues!


Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Wes, Illyria, and the others. I guess you could say I own the precious demon kiddies :) Enjoy!

Author's Note: I think I like first one better, but you guys can form your own opinion. And again, Illyria's got her powers. Just nod and smile...

When Your Offspring Have Blue Hair Sequel to "When You're Married To An Old One" 

"Moira Petrie Wyndam-Pryce, stop playing with the time-space continuum this instant!"

Wesley narrowed his eyes at his eight-year-old daughter; she turned to smile sweetly at him.

"Sorry, Daddy."

"Right. Now where on earth are the twins?"

"Mama took them to survey the marsh in the woods. They haven't come back yet."

"Did your mother tell you what it was _exactly_ they were going to 'survey'?"

"I didn't catch all of it." Moira shook her head. "But those poor frogs..."

"What _about_ the frogs?" Wes took a deep breath.

"Mama might have said something about destroying them for being insolent." The girl slowly glanced at the vain protruding from her father's forehead. "But you never can tell with Mama!" she laughed nervously.

Wes groaned. "Let's go."

He wasn't sure what to expect when he got to the marsh. Illyria had never endangered the children, but she didn't have the best judgment. There had been the time that, while Wes was at work, she'd taught them how to open a Dark Portal. In the backyard. In broad daylight. Or when he'd come home to find the twins snacking on a garden snake Illyria had discovered.

The sight that met Wes when he and Moira came upon the marsh was, thankfully, acceptable.

"Father's here." The girl twin pointed in Wes' direction. Illyria and the boy twin looked up.

"Nila, Pwyll, what are you and Mama doing here?" Wes asked hesitantly.

Nila tilted her head—a move that never failed to remind Wes of her mother. "Playing with frogs."

"Mama says we're above them." Pwyll informed his father, then laughed. "They weren't even around until after Kugloks went extinct!"

"This is not a suitable...'field trip'?" Illyria pouted.

"Um, it's fine." Wes breathed a sigh of relief, as nothing had been eaten or blown up. "Well, my little Smurf, it's nearly time to go out for the evening. What shall the children have for dinner?"

"I'll prepare anything but Spongebob Macaroni and Cheese!" Illyria informed her husband matter-of-factly. At Wes' look of confusion, Moira motioned for her father to lean down, and whispered in his ear.

"She has issues with any food as blue as she is."

Harmony arrived at the Wyndam-Pryce residence on time, as usual. She was the only one insane enough to care for the children. Not that Wes hadn't tried to find good sitters: Angel was...Angel. Lorne couldn't stand to hear them sing—not after Moira's rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" made his hair fall out for a month. Gunn said the kids gave him a "Vibe of Creepiness". And Spike, well...in addition to constant pummelings from their mother, the vampire had had quite enough beatings from the demon children. He was even more frustrated that he couldn't hit them back.

"Bloody little buggers pack quite a punch. It ain't right!"

So Harmony it was. Although, Wes wasn't always really sure who was more insane when the blond secretary "vamped out" and made the kids burst out in giggles.

"Well, have fun watching the little anklebiters." Wes said good-naturedly, heading for the door. Illyria paused.

"What are ankles?"

Wes blinked, grabbed her hand, and nodded at Harmony. "We leave you with that."

"Do you think I should call?" Illyria asked for the hundredth time.

"I'm sure they're fine." Repeated Wes, taking a bite of his breadstick. He considered them lucky that his wife could "do away with" her blue appearance when she chose to. Because Fazoli's had the best damn breadsticks he'd ever tasted.

"But what if Moira doesn't brush her teeth? Or Nila and Pwyll assassinate a Harris Beast when the flaky half-breed isn't looking?"

"Illyria, they'll watch _Lilo & Stitch_, eat a bag of popcorn, and fall asleep on the couch. Nothing to worry about."

"I guess you're right." The Old One nodded. "You gonna finish that Panini?"

The two came back home to find the house clean and quiet. Harmony shut the TV off and smiled.

"They were good."

"They were?" Wes asked incredulously.

"Nothing...happened?" Illyria slunk closer to her. "No sacrifices? No wild parties? No misleading phone calls at the expense of others?"

Harmony laughed. "No, silly. Moira spent most of the night talking to your birch tree in front, and the twins debated over which periodic elements were the most combustible." She frowned. "Your kids are weird."

"Thank you, Harmony." Wes reached into his pocket and pulled out her money, then handed it to her. Harmony smiled again. As she and Illyria looked at one another, they nodded.

"Old One."

"Half-breed."

The parents and baby-sitter parted ways. Wes and Illyria went to the kitchen and turned on the light. There on the counter was a plate of freshly made cookies.

"Now, you see," Wes began, "there was no need to worry. It looks like they had a fun night."

"Should we...try one?" Illyria grinned.

"Why not?"

They both grabbed a cookie and took a bite. Immediately, they spat them out.

"The hell?" Shouted Wes. "There's mud in this! And...vodka?!"

"Mine's filled with oblong chocolate and peanuts!"

"Yours has M & M's?" Wes raised his eyebrows. Illyria shrugged apologetically.

Observing the rest of the batch, Wes and Illyria discovered an assortment of interesting "ingredients": nails, window cleaner, raw bacon, and a variety of odds and ends.

Wesley looked from his cookie to Illyria, shaking his head.

"Next time, we're adopting."


End file.
